Introduction
Today, when we think of ‘love triangles’ it tends to be the stuff of torrid romances, or from the likes of East Enders. Jesus gives us a different take on a loving triangle: if we truly love God, then we will also love our neighbours, and ourselves. We often forget the third ‘person’ in the triangle – ourselves. But loving ourselves is not about ‘selfie-culture’ or self-idolatry; rather, it is about honouring and loving the person God has created us to be.
Context
Why is it many people find loving themselves so incredibly hard?
For example:
- Why do children self-harm?
- Why do so many have eating disorders?
Reflection
By the time Jesus lived, Judaism had begun to break down each of the 613 commandments found in the Hebrew Scriptures into hundreds of detailed statutes, covering all of Jewish life. Who could remember, not to mention keep, them all? This explains the scribe’s question to Jesus – which commandment is the greatest? In response, Jesus combines two great commandments from the Hebrew Scripture: Deuteronomy 6.4-5 and Leviticus 19:18, resulting in ‘love God, your neighbour and yourself.’ I think this is more than simply citing the ‘Golden Rule’. Too often we forget to treat ourselves with loving-kindness, thereby forgetting that we, too, are God’s loving creations. Rabbi Hillel, a contemporary of Jesus, is famous for his maxim, ‘If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?’ As with Jesus, Hillel makes the point that each of us is an actor in God’s drama of love and care for one another. And the time to act is always now!
As referenced above, self-harm is on the increase amongst the young. But we often harm ourselves in so many other ways: alcoholism, workaholism, eating disorders, smoking, drug misuse, shopping addiction, and more. Yet treating ourselves with loving respect can have an effect on our attitude towards others. This, in turn, will impact on our love for God. Augustine wrote that God loves each of us as though there were but one of us to love — what an amazing thought!
Many years ago I was a prison chaplain. I cannot count the times that I heard an inmate say, ‘I believe God can forgive me, but I can’t forgive myself.’ Believe it or not, our inability to forgive ourselves is at the same time an inability to accept God’s forgiveness. It is to limit the scope of God’s grace, and to place a limitation on God’s power in our lives. It is as simple as it is difficult: If we truly love ourselves, we will love others in a similar fashion. And if we truly love our neighbours, then we are at the same time loving God, the Creator of us all.
Prayer
The following responsive prayer is appropriate for corporate worship, and is based loosely on Sephardi morning prayers.
Blessed are you, O Lord our God, King of the universe,
who frees the captives.
Blessed be God forever.
Blessed are you, O Lord our God, King of the universe,
who raises those who are bowed down.
Blessed be God forever.
Blessed are you, O Lord our God, King of the universe,
who clothes the naked.
Blessed be God forever.
Blessed are you, O Lord our God, King of the universe,
who has provided for all my needs.
Blessed be God forever.
Blessed are you, O Lord our God, King of the universe,
who has blessed us with your law of love.
Blessed be God forever.
Thank you loving God, that you have kept faith with us through the millennia — from the time of Abraham and Sarah, through your covenants, through the prophets, and even coming to us in human flesh in Jesus. Thank you for calling us to be ambassadors of your reconciling love. And forgive us whenever we fall short of this high calling.
Lord, bless us and forgive us.
Creator God, in Eden you saw that it is not good for us to dwell alone, and have therefore provided us with the human family. Help us to see others as you see them; and not out of limited human fear, jealousy and hatred.
Lord, bless us and grant us your vision.
Lord God, in Jesus you have shown us the sum of your law for us: the love you, our neighbours and ourselves. Help us to know that whoever loves you with heart, soul, mind and strength also loves you in all things and all people.
Lord, bless us with this knowledge and grant that we may act upon it.
We pray together in words based on those of Teresa of Avila.
Christ has no body now on earth but ours,
no hands but ours,
no feet but ours;
ours are the eyes through which Christ’s compassion is to look out to the world.
ours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good,
ours are the hands with which he is to bless people now.
Loving God, keep us true to this, your ministry of love. Amen.
Questions
- If loving ourselves forms an integral part of our love for God and neighbour, how might this affect the way we view and treat ourselves?
- If we treat ourselves with more loving-kindness, what might those who know us best be inclined to notice?
Action
In the coming week, try practising ‘mindfulness’ with regard to how you treat yourself. Try to break one negative habit with regard to yourself. See how this affects your relationships with others, and perhaps even your prayer life with God.
Young people
If you’re inclined to take a lot of ‘selfies’ on your mobile phone, try giving it a miss when you are next out with friends. Instead, concentrate more on how you might appear to your friends, or how you might appear in God’s sight.
Jack Lawson is the Mission Enabler for the East Anglia District of the Methodist Church, a lecturer in Hebrew Bible and freelance author.
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