Context

There are plenty of contentious issues about which people hold strong views, and have difficulty empathising with those who disagree, from civil partnerships to Brexit, to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Social media tends to fuel disagreements by removing the restraints that operate when people meet face to face, so that trading insults becomes normal. But many issues are complex, with rights and wrongs on both sides. And, even more importantly, behind the abstract debates are flesh and blood people, with hurts and fears, longing to be heard.

 

Reflection

In the Gospel reading, some Pharisees are portrayed as testing Jesus – trying to score points against him. The irony is that, ever since, Christians have used such stories to score points against Pharisees, portraying them as one-dimensional hypocrites. Religious traditions articulate ideals, but also make provision for when things go wrong. Jesus uses texts from Genesis 1.27 and 2.24 to set out the principle of marriage. By the time Matthew copied the story from Mark, the early Christian community had already discovered that this ideal was not always practical: compare Matthew 19.9 with Mark 10.11 – Matthew allows for divorce in the case of unchastity. And in Britain today divorce is legal. Jesus and the Pharisees approach the question from different angles – one visionary, one pragmatic. Both have valid points of view.

For those involved, divorce is not a matter of abstract debate, but a messy and painful reality, with hurt on both sides. Any children involved are particularly vulnerable. That’s why the government recently launched a consultation on no-fault divorce. The provisional Church of England response affirms marriage as an amazing gift from God but recognises the sadness of divorce. 

As Brexit becomes more and more of a political football, Traidcraft has announced that due to economic uncertainty it could soon cease trading. 

Whatever issue we are discussing, let us remember those whose lives or livelihoods are at stake, and tread carefully. It’s ok to disagree, and feel passionately about causes we believe in; but do our words increase understanding and build bridges, or widen fault lines?

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict arouses high feelings in this country. It saddens me that instead of grieving together over a tragic situation, and finding ways of restoring relationships, we assume that we need to take sides. The conflict will only be resolved if Israelis and Palestinians talk to each other (as we in Britain should know from the Northern Irish experience). The greater the estrangement, the harder that becomes. When I recently visited the region, representatives from both the Rossing Center for Education and Dialogue and the Holy Land Trust talked of the paralysing effects of trauma, and the desperate need for healing. They pleaded with us not to stoke the conflict from afar, but to support projects for reconciliation.

Taking the high moral ground is easier than dialogue. Listening to those with whom we disagree and seeing things from their point of view is a risky, rocky road; but one the world badly needs us to take. God has joined us together on this planet, let us not tear ourselves asunder.

 

Prayer

These biddings could be used for the intercessions.

We give thanks for the sacrament of marriage, and for those whose lives together speak of God’s love.

We pray for those whose high hopes have been dashed, whose relationships have soured.

We pray for those whose mutual love is denied, whose partnerships are not recognised.

We pray for those who long for love, and live with the daily ache of loneliness.

We pray for those who live celibate lives, as they witness to the power of friendship and community.

We pray for those to be married this week, that their relationships may deepen over time.

And we pray for our own relationships: teach us to listen to those with whom we share our lives.

God, may you bless us all.
Amen.

 

Questions

• What positions/points of view do you hold strongly?
• How might you dialogue with someone who disagrees?

 

All-age activity

This is an exercise to practise listening. Choose a subject that everyone in the room can talk about, such as ‘a favourite activity’ or ‘what I did last weekend’. Divide into pairs. One person in each pair puts their hands over their mouths and listens while the other talks on the chosen topic for a couple of minutes. Swap over. Then each person has to tell the whole group about what they heard from their partner.

 

Young people

Identify an issue over which there are strong feelings in the room. Allow everyone to put forward their own point of view. Then ask people to set out their understanding of the opposite point of view. Debrief about how that felt.

 

Ann Conway-Jones is Chair of Birmingham Council of Christians and Jews.

 

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